Never lie, even if it leads to your death; that is your oath.

When I was sixteen I won a great victory. I felt in that moment that I should live to be one hundred, now I know I shall not see thirty.

You're brought into this world
But they say you're born in sin
Well at least they've given me something
I didn't have to steal or have to win

Well I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

You say you've cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore

What God desires is here, and here.

“Holiness is in right action and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves.”

Hospitaler, 1185AD

A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down, but it is not this day. This day we fight!

You've heard all they've got to say
You looked but turned away
Just walk away walk away

The wise man said just find your place
In the eye of the storm
Seek the roses along the way
Just beware of the thorns

Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The passage out of the dark

The wise man said just walk this way
To the dawn of the light
The wind will blow into your face
As the years pass you by

If there was a time to believe in hope, it is now.

我等到花儿也谢了。

A night without you seems like a lost dream.

Without you here, the food taste bland.

One may stare into the light, until one becomes the light.

The world has decided.

The world will decide, the world always decides.

When you get hungry, I'll be the fish.

今夜妳會不會來？

Everything will be alright.

Everything is gonna be alright.

一天一天等下去.

There will be a day when you will wish you had done a little evil to do a greater good.

Ask no questions, you hear no lies.

Whats so civil about war anyway?

I am pissed off with NTU for not giving me extra tickets to the convocation. Considering that I gave a donation to the IGAVE campaign, I expected at least an extra ticket. Speaking of which, the IGAVE campaign, a donation drive meant to help needy students, is nonsensical. In the sense, the government and university should come out with the money themselves to help the needy students and not pass the responsibility to us. Don't get me wrong, I am not being heartless, but I can't help suspecting where the donation money is going to when there is comfirm already enough money from corporations for bursary funds. Even after pestering me for money repeatedly, they cheekily send a letter to my father separately asking him for money. I wound not have known had I not come across the letter. The sneaky bastards. We have to be careful after all, when a monk like Ming Yi can own a horse for a pet, have club membership in Perth by using the Ren Ci funds, who knows what the IGAVE money is being used for.

I regret donating money. Just a ticket, so hard to comply with my request meh? I sincerely wish the management who came out with the IGAVE campaign, GETS HIV.

My convocation this coming thursday will mark the end of my student life. I've gotten a job which will start in a few weeks time and I have already listed items I want to purchase when I get my first month paycheck. Mixed feelings now. Happy that I secured a job and looking forward to money but lamenting the fact that I will lose my freedom.

It was my birthday last thursday and I celebrated it by watching Ice Age 3 in 3D format and having dinner at Marche treated by my friend. A couple of others treated me here and there on other days and I would like to thank them. They know who they are.

My parents went to Penang over the past 4 days so I was alone at home. I like the serenity of being home alone, the quietness and emptiness. I did all the household chores and kept the place cleaned. Its a feeling I cannot describe in words, but I kinda enjoyed having the whole house to myself.

I'm feeling better now. I wake up every morning and when the sun is up, I go swimming, when the clouds is grey, I watch my rented dvds. My life is slowly getting back on track. 3 weeks ago, the world came crashing down on me but I've accepted the fact and reality. Right now, I am optimistic that this time, everything will be alright.

I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."

As of now, I am letting go.

Its time to move on.

I guess now its time for me to give up. I feel its time.

Being is nothingness, nothingness is being; in serenely observing all things in the world, you automatically achieve all things.

I have not been hit so hard like this in years. I don't want to wake up anymore.

Looking forward to next friday. I so can't wait.

If the hill does not turn, the water turns. If the water doesn't turn, the man turns.

Only time will tell.

To be fair, it was good while it lasted. Thanks for the memories.

National stadium debut ( 6th June 09 )

We will find out.

Honestly I don't even know the answer myself sometimes.

Winning the title in front of the home fans is simply the bite of the cherry.

The great wall of China is back. 3 months ago, the great wall could only speak pu tong hua. Today, he took the mickey out of everyone by answering us back in Singlish which was pretty hilarious.

Next week, I'll be at Nou camp!

I woke up this morning hoping to see the sun. Instead all I saw were dark clouds.

Finally Mas Selemat is caught. Selamat Datang la brudder.

This is belated but I still like to offer my 5 cent worth of the Aware saga. I was watching the clips on youtube and razortv. The EGM was disorderly, people interrupting people, jeering, taunting, scenes which remind one of primary school children behaving when teachers are not around. I admire the new exco and Josie Lau for behaving professionally despite the masses interrupting them continuously. I think they stood up for what they believe in instead of seating their asses on the couch doing nothing. But the fact that they all came from the same Christian church earns me the thumbs down definitely.

The old exco were another pathetic bunch. Obviously with mass support, they yaya papaya that day. They were clearly sleeping and complacent, so who can they blame when new members suddenly take control of the new exco. What about the thousands of people who suddenly became new members on saturday to support the old guard? People say S factor is a dumb reality tv programme. I think the EGM was even more stupid. End of the day, I don't think last saturday was a step forward for women in Singapore if not a step back.

The newspaper hailed the EGM as a success for our society to be able to settle issues amicably without the government's interference. I beg to differ, I felt the EGM was a utter disgrace and a pathetic show of disrespect between rivals. Even the Greeks in medieval battles showed respect for their enemies. I would rather both guards drew swords and spears and battle in an honourable fashion.

Anyway, once again, welcome back Mr Selamat.

As I stepped out of the seminar room earlier this morning, henceforth it marked the end of my stint in NTU.

I was pretty nervous last night, couldn't sleep thinking of what questions the moderator would ask me. But everything went smoothly, think I did my presentation pretty ok and luckily the questions thrown were so simple, it was literally the icing on the cake.

I guess when I wake up tomorrow morning, it will mark a new beginning of my life. No more clowning around, time to get a job and be serious in life.

As much as I don't want May to end, I am looking forward to June. For I am holding her to her word, what she promised me today.

So it was my grandmother's birthday celebration yesterday at Republic Plaza last night. It was a high class posh restaurant located on the 62nd floor with a spectacular night view and only invited members can dine there. My uncle being the privileged one. So you may have all the moolah in the world but without invitation, sorry, the highway is there. The food was good, but between every dish, we had to wait 30 min and the portion was really small.

As usual , my father chose where he wanted to sit to avoid seating with one of my uncle. He even told me to sit elsewhere, so I ended up with the young people's table. So yeah. I was surprised that my youngest cousin is in JC1 cos I always had the impression that she was still in secondary school. Guess I haven't been showing up other than my yearly grandmother's birthday dinner. My mother had to rub in by saying 'Nowadays you can see him means you lucky I tell you'. I just put on my big smile.

My cousin was asking me fuuny questions like how old I was (she guessed correctly), did I watch American Idol and Amazing race, who is my favourite friends character, do I intend to move out of the house after graduation, is my sister younger or older than me (hello??), is she gonna come back etc. I answered as truthfully as possible and when she asked why, I just told her that when she reach my age, she will know why. Haha. Anyway I turned the tables on her and asked her stuff like does she have a bf, has she drank alcohol yet and started clubbing. Well apparently she is on the clean path. Unlike what I was in CJC. I have regrets in life definitely, but should I die one day, I can truthfully say, I never regretted going to CJC.

Cheers.

A king may move a man, a father may claim a son. That man can also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game.

When I was sixteen I won a great victory. I felt in that moment that I should live to be one hundred, now I know I shall not see thirty.

I have never met another more heartless person than her.

One day, a cunning Brahmin, trying to trick Buddha, asked him, 'Master, do you consider yourself a man or god?'

The Buddha smiled and said, 'Neither. I am just one who has woken you up while the rest of you are still sleeping.'

I guess some things are just not meant to be.

And please remember, that I never lied.

Come the 6th of June this year, I will be playing at the kallang National stadium. Yup, thats right. Thanks to my team manager who works for the youth Olympics committee and pulled some strings, our team will be taking part in a tournament at the national stadium. Actually the occasion is to launch the debut of our new jersey kits but I am more excited about playing at the pitch. The same pitch where Fandi Ahmad scored a scissors kick, Sundram executed his bicycle kick. In some ways, I fulfilled a boyhood Malaysia cup fan dream, to play on the field, just under different circumstances.

My carefully crafted plan is finally bearing some fruit. Hope is on the way.

Things are not looking good.

Like an arrow shot through my heart, I was very sad and disappointed to hear the truth. But as this door closes, another one opens.

Looking forward to this friday.

There'll be a day when you will wish you had done a little evil to do a greater good.

Recently I find myself enjoying novels written by Japanese authors, namely Ryu Murakami and Natsuo Kirino. The stories revolve around mainly teenage girls who are troubled by society, should I say pressured by the educational system there to excel, and instead find themselves turning to booze, sex, drugs and murder as an escape. Not that I find my life parallel to the stories, but I find the concept interesting as compared to western authors.

Technically, after handing in my finally done and dusted final year report today, I should be over the moon. But, tomorrow, I will be in Malacca for a stoopid trip which my dad signed me up and forced me to go. And the fall in timing is 7am somemore, Christ sake. I have been giving him the 'dun talk to me cos I ain't fucking bothered with this trip' attitude since last night. I think he has gotta the idea. But I am gonna continue till I come back on sat night. I will make him regret forcing me along to accompany him for the trip.

Why the emotional outburst? I guess things haven't been easy, things haven't stayed or turned out the way I wanted it to be. But all I know is, it hell ain't gonna be a good friday for me.

Having said that, Good Friday to all the christians out there.

Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting

I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards to avenge even a look that threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone.

This time, I know what I am fighting for.

Everything is gonna be alright.

I'm trying my best, but the way things stand, the glass is three-quarters empty.

With a heavy heart, I deleted the photos.

And just like that, she crushed the only hope I had pinned on for the past two weeks.

Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves.

I go to pray, for the strength to endure what is to come.

How can you be in hell, when you are in my heart?

Its like being a child all over again, standing in the toy department store, holding the box and wondering what it feels like to play with the toy, yet knowing full well that Mummy ain't gonna buy it.

Wanting something but not being able to get it. It is hurting me real bad this time.

Thinking of you.

Finally, yes finally I am done and finished with my final report draft. I started writing the report only last monday when I had the start of the year to do so but me being me, I believed in 长痛不如短痛. Last week was miserable, camping every day religiously in front of the laptop typing, analysing data and figuring out what the diagrams meant. Organising the report was tougher than I thought. Printing the report was the worst because the school computers would hang whenever I loaded my report. It was frustrating just to print the report but well everything is finally over. Just in time also as I can prepare for my LTA interview without any worries.

I was also supposedly on mobilisation standby last sat, where according to the ah pek warrant officer who briefed us firmly assured us that we would get called up. I have heard the words "Sure! Sure! sure get call up this time" countless times. Well they didn't. Fuck them. This is the second time they have cheated my weekends. I am not gonna trust them for a third time.

Ya Manchester United lost to Liverpool big time. It will be easy to say we sucked but well, Torres was on class that day. They had a day rest more from the champions league and did not play over the weekend whereas Man Utd played on sunday and thurs. For people who say this is sour grapes and an excuse, try playing three matches in a week running at full flight and see how exhausting it can be. I'm not the least worried becos my faith in them rebounding has been engraved in since 1994.

I can't explain why but its just the feeling I have.

Jerusalem is easy to find, go to where the men speak Italian, then continue until they speak something else.

You are not what you were born, but what you have it in yourself to be.

Alright so barely less than a week, another suicide case in NTU, this time some project officer who hanged himself in his room last night. Furthermore he was from the same faculty as the dead Indon.

I have been scouring news websites and reading news reports carefully. So far, the news have quoted saying that the Indon student is 'believed' to have slit his wrist before jumping to his death. Apparently the mother has claimed that there was no slit marks on her son's wrist. The papers also reported that the parents wanted to meet the Prof who has refused to do so based on his condition. I feel that the parents deserve to hear the truth in the words of the Prof himself and not hear say from reports. The fact that the body was cremated immediately the next day adds to the shady factor. Even the police statements have not officially confirmed that it was suicide. Every report in the news so far is based on speculation and eye witness accounts. In short, nothing has officially been confirmed.

The school has been quick to send out emails to rally together and blah blah blah. But where is the transparency? As paying students, surely we deserve to know the truth. Officially, only the Professor and the Indon truly knows what happen between them. One is dead now, the other has refused to speak out yet. Last night another one hanged himself. The news report it as the second 'alleged' case in NTU this week. Correct me if I am wrong, but it is said that people usually hang themselves if they have a guilty conscience. Someone has discovered that both deceased were from the same lab. The dean has yet to distant both incidents as independent events. I can understand why the dean might want to keep both incidents as low profile as possible, but surely the more you hide, the more shady events will turn out to be.

Anyway check the links for more conspiracy theories.

http://www.gabrielsai.com/blog/2009/03/a-conspiracy-theory-on-deaths-in-ntu.html

http://mistabird.wordpress.com/2009/03/06/ntu-stabbing-brother-of-dead-student-wants-indonesian-police-to-investigate/

All I am asking for is the simple truth. I believe I am entitled to it and I know I can handle the truth.

Does making a man a knight make him a better fighter?

I won't cry for yesterday.

The world will decide, the world always decides.

Well, months after we made the news for dropping in the University rankings, we had to make the news for the wrong reasons again. This time, a student stabbing a Professor before jumping down 5 stories to commit suicide. After confirming that rumours were true, me and my Kpo mates went to the scene to check things out. By the time we arrived, the body bag was already removed. Various news reporters were asking us if we knew the deceased or what happened. We then proceed to level B2, the spot where the Indon jumped down from. Still hungry for more info, we went to Level B1, the Prof's office. We saw a cleaning auntie who was mopping the blood on the floor. She showed us how long the knife was. According to the auntie, the Indon student stabbed the Prof in the back before slitting his own wrist and jumped off the building. True enough, the Prof's door was splattered with blood, the corridor had blood stains all over, I seriously cannot imagine how many times he was stabbed in order to have bled that much. The blood stained door is gory and I couldn't bear to breathe when walking pass.

I sincerely hope the Professor recovers fully for I feel that there is no need to stab someone just because of a final year project. C'mon, I have only written 14 pages out of an expected 50 and I haven't even harboured a thought about pricking anyone. Surely everyone has experienced fuck ups in their project haven't they? Perhaps his decision to commit suicide was the least he could do afterall.

Anyway for more, check http://www.channelnewsasia.com/video/index.php


The platform where the student jumped.

Blood dripping down from above panel

Crashing pad (Body removed)

Speak the truth, always. Even if it leads to your death.

After spending the last 24 hrs lying on bed, I am finally out of bed. Since 6pm yesterday, I was suddenly hit by high fever and a real bad headache. All I could do was eat medicine and sleep. It was miserable each time I had to walk to the bathroom. Had the wind blew stronger, I would have been swept away. I was cold, even under the blanket I was still shivering.

But finally I have recovered. Hello world.

I spent the last two days lying on bed pondering about my career options. It came to a point where I totally just stoned at home. While driving to hougang mall today, I almost got into an accident because I was so stoned I did not check my rear mirror and almost got rammed in the ass. That woke me up totally.

Well tomorrow marks the start of my report writing.

Hopefully

Today marks the start of the recess week, my last ever holidays in my educational life. Next week will be pretty hectic as I will need to start and finish up my final project report.

So far, job hunting isn't looking good. LTA called me on tuesday to inform me that the position I had applied for was already filled and that they considered me suitable for traffic management instead. I kinda gave a screwed up answer and having not heard from them since, I reckon the prospect to be dead and buried. Hopefully, the call from DSTA today will lead to something next week.

Last night, my dad told me that the Resident's committee was organising a hike up Mt Ophir for this year's Good friday and asked me if I was interested. Knowing full well that the people going will all be senior citizens, I cheekily smiled at him and told him to go ahead without me. To my astonishment, just a while ago, he told me that he had signed me up for the trip. I tried lying that my exams would be around the corner and I needed to study. Instead, he told me to bring the notes along the trip to revise.

I am still unable to accept the shock.

We had a heart to heart chat last night. So I decided to tell her the truth.

I am starting to get paranoid about my job hunt.

According to the fengshui master, I am supposed to meet my 贵人 this year, who will help me succeed in life. So far, I have yet to meet him/her. It may still be early but I am in desperate need of help. I am at the crossroads, lost in translation, dunno how to begin my report and still yet to secure a job.

My name is Parry Lim Weixiong

Resident of Serangoon Ave 1

Loyal Servant to the nation

Son to my wonderful parents

Brother to my dunno when she will come back sister

Neighbour to my never spoke to them since young Indian neighbours

And I shall rant and gossip

In this life or the next