I'm trying my best, but the way things stand, the glass is three-quarters empty.

With a heavy heart, I deleted the photos.

And just like that, she crushed the only hope I had pinned on for the past two weeks.

Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves.

I go to pray, for the strength to endure what is to come.

How can you be in hell, when you are in my heart?

Its like being a child all over again, standing in the toy department store, holding the box and wondering what it feels like to play with the toy, yet knowing full well that Mummy ain't gonna buy it.

Wanting something but not being able to get it. It is hurting me real bad this time.

Thinking of you.

Finally, yes finally I am done and finished with my final report draft. I started writing the report only last monday when I had the start of the year to do so but me being me, I believed in 长痛不如短痛. Last week was miserable, camping every day religiously in front of the laptop typing, analysing data and figuring out what the diagrams meant. Organising the report was tougher than I thought. Printing the report was the worst because the school computers would hang whenever I loaded my report. It was frustrating just to print the report but well everything is finally over. Just in time also as I can prepare for my LTA interview without any worries.

I was also supposedly on mobilisation standby last sat, where according to the ah pek warrant officer who briefed us firmly assured us that we would get called up. I have heard the words "Sure! Sure! sure get call up this time" countless times. Well they didn't. Fuck them. This is the second time they have cheated my weekends. I am not gonna trust them for a third time.

Ya Manchester United lost to Liverpool big time. It will be easy to say we sucked but well, Torres was on class that day. They had a day rest more from the champions league and did not play over the weekend whereas Man Utd played on sunday and thurs. For people who say this is sour grapes and an excuse, try playing three matches in a week running at full flight and see how exhausting it can be. I'm not the least worried becos my faith in them rebounding has been engraved in since 1994.

I can't explain why but its just the feeling I have.

Jerusalem is easy to find, go to where the men speak Italian, then continue until they speak something else.

You are not what you were born, but what you have it in yourself to be.

Alright so barely less than a week, another suicide case in NTU, this time some project officer who hanged himself in his room last night. Furthermore he was from the same faculty as the dead Indon.

I have been scouring news websites and reading news reports carefully. So far, the news have quoted saying that the Indon student is 'believed' to have slit his wrist before jumping to his death. Apparently the mother has claimed that there was no slit marks on her son's wrist. The papers also reported that the parents wanted to meet the Prof who has refused to do so based on his condition. I feel that the parents deserve to hear the truth in the words of the Prof himself and not hear say from reports. The fact that the body was cremated immediately the next day adds to the shady factor. Even the police statements have not officially confirmed that it was suicide. Every report in the news so far is based on speculation and eye witness accounts. In short, nothing has officially been confirmed.

The school has been quick to send out emails to rally together and blah blah blah. But where is the transparency? As paying students, surely we deserve to know the truth. Officially, only the Professor and the Indon truly knows what happen between them. One is dead now, the other has refused to speak out yet. Last night another one hanged himself. The news report it as the second 'alleged' case in NTU this week. Correct me if I am wrong, but it is said that people usually hang themselves if they have a guilty conscience. Someone has discovered that both deceased were from the same lab. The dean has yet to distant both incidents as independent events. I can understand why the dean might want to keep both incidents as low profile as possible, but surely the more you hide, the more shady events will turn out to be.

Anyway check the links for more conspiracy theories.

http://www.gabrielsai.com/blog/2009/03/a-conspiracy-theory-on-deaths-in-ntu.html

http://mistabird.wordpress.com/2009/03/06/ntu-stabbing-brother-of-dead-student-wants-indonesian-police-to-investigate/

All I am asking for is the simple truth. I believe I am entitled to it and I know I can handle the truth.

Does making a man a knight make him a better fighter?

I won't cry for yesterday.

The world will decide, the world always decides.

Well, months after we made the news for dropping in the University rankings, we had to make the news for the wrong reasons again. This time, a student stabbing a Professor before jumping down 5 stories to commit suicide. After confirming that rumours were true, me and my Kpo mates went to the scene to check things out. By the time we arrived, the body bag was already removed. Various news reporters were asking us if we knew the deceased or what happened. We then proceed to level B2, the spot where the Indon jumped down from. Still hungry for more info, we went to Level B1, the Prof's office. We saw a cleaning auntie who was mopping the blood on the floor. She showed us how long the knife was. According to the auntie, the Indon student stabbed the Prof in the back before slitting his own wrist and jumped off the building. True enough, the Prof's door was splattered with blood, the corridor had blood stains all over, I seriously cannot imagine how many times he was stabbed in order to have bled that much. The blood stained door is gory and I couldn't bear to breathe when walking pass.

I sincerely hope the Professor recovers fully for I feel that there is no need to stab someone just because of a final year project. C'mon, I have only written 14 pages out of an expected 50 and I haven't even harboured a thought about pricking anyone. Surely everyone has experienced fuck ups in their project haven't they? Perhaps his decision to commit suicide was the least he could do afterall.

Anyway for more, check http://www.channelnewsasia.com/video/index.php


The platform where the student jumped.

Blood dripping down from above panel

Crashing pad (Body removed)

Speak the truth, always. Even if it leads to your death.